for me

Part of the reason why I keep this blog going is to document. Primarily for me. 

For the past two years I have been working on a goal. To tidy things up, put things away, and then? ...then to maintain the tidyness. 

Here is some recent proof:

You can not imagine just how proud I am. However I have wrenched my arm patting myself on my back...

5 words that inspire me

(Luminance, Bokehful, TiltShiftGen apps)

a rebirth? no, not that.

Once upon a time there was a young girl. Let's say she's 10 years old, living in a large multicultural city nearby. Despite everything, life really sucks. She's got two parents, a fairly stable financial situation. 


Gets pretty good marks, even though she seems to not do as well as expected. She has siblings, someone to play and argue with. Friends at school. Doesn't cause problems.


So, what I'm saying is: things could be so much worse. 


Eventually she grows to adulthood, having learnt how to deal with her anxieties mostly by herself. And then things start to fray, and she is compelled to live a better life. 


And she does: she gets better, moves ahead with her life. Doesn't become bitter, mean. Learns how to juggle vulnerability and strength. 


So now she looks okay. To her family, to the world around her. Proof that her parents did a "good job" raising her. Right? No. Not at all. In order for her to heal, the grownup young girl has had to put aside the needs of her younger self: packaged them up and squirreled them away. Secured, and personal. Those unfulfilled needs have only made her sick. 


But this looks the same to her parents as if everything had been rosy in her childhood. So do her parents think that they did a great job? Probably, but don't care what they think. But I do care for that young girl: she's had the short end of the stick twice. Once as a child, and now as a memory in adulthood. 


"I'm sorry." That's what I'd tell her. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And I've said all that to get to this thought: now what? 


If you've spent so much time and energy healing and all that, and then you achieve it... then what?? If one spends the bulk of ones's life... occupied... with a project, and then the seemingly neverending project actually comes to an end... 


then what?? and: how does one honour her presence without living and carrying a grudge the rest of the time...

week eight, unravelled

This is something I thought I'd never see: a self-portrait. Even more surprising was how quickly I got used to seeing myself. I guess the course title ~ Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self ~ was very aptly named!

I miss my sling

fave :: birdsong

Last week, we pondered our favourite things. I pondered a lot; like... every day! I very quickly realized that I have a LOT of favourite things! I spent the entire week taking inventory, spring in my step: I realized that I surround myself with things that I love... isn't that a warm and comfy thought??


I made this clip to illustrate my favourite sound: a particular birdsong. I'm not a birdwatcher, I don't know what kind of bird it is but I counted myself lucky if I heard it at our family cottage during the summer. I would walk into the forest and get goosebumps from this ethereal, airy, woody arpeggio echoing through the treetops.

I hear it occasionally when walking the dog and last year managed to get its song recorded using Voice Memo on my iPhone. (so those are the dog's pantings that you may hear)


And, of course just for good measure, a nice big Canadian mosquito buzzed the very end. 

week one

I've signed up for an e-course 

"Unravelling: Ways of Seeing Myself". 

This was from the first week: