27.9.10

busy-ness

Part of the reason why I blog is to journal. So this post is important for me... you may stop now guilt-free; you need not read any further.

Last week was lived in hourly segments. As in this hour I must do this, but then next hour I need to be over there doing that. My mantra was Just Move Forward. Whenever I sat still for more than four minutes I tended to fall asleep. Thankfully red lights are less than four minutes in length. Even while sitting still in the car at an intersection I could feel my body start to slump.

There was two school council meetings, open house at Neal's school, a long outsourced cleaning session of the old and now empty house, consumption of one hyacinth bulb with resulting barf session paid for at the vets, two swim team practises, listing of old house and eight subsequent showings, stamping children's Terry Fox maps as they ran around the school field, inaugural pizza days at both schools, a gymnastics practise, five long walks at the off leash dog park, two offers on the house, one accepted.

And a partridge in a pear tree. At least I think it was a partridge... could've just been the female cardinal. Although Joe swears he sees wild turkeys around.

Unfortunately when I'm that wound up, when I get up to pee at 4am I get planning my day. Ticking off items on my mental To Do list. And then I can't fall back to sleep. I guess instead of counting sheep I should just pretend I'm at a red light, huh?

19.9.10

ode to jane

Oh dopamine of mine.
When will you settle down
And content yourself
With this regular Life?

If you were cocaine
or some other illicit substance
I shudder to think
Just what I would do.

To feel anew the soar, the tingle
The hit...

After dulling the dendrites
With repetitions
Requires steadfast faith.

28.8.10

one breath at a time

Blaze was attacked while I was walking him after dinner last Sunday. A German Shepherd didn't like the looks of him I guess and burst through his front door, tore down the street and chomped on Blaze's rear end. He got a couple of bites in before I managed to get a good enough kick in to dislodge him.

His owners were right behind the dog, yelling for me to do just that; kick him. I was pissed off by this time and didn't need any further encouragement. The whole attack probably lasted 10 seconds. Ten long seconds.

Blaze was trying to defend himself, and cower alternatively. He's fairly submissive, easy going, which is good for a family dog that is hugged more than he likes.

When we got home I gave him a bath to get the smell of the other dog off him and to assess any damage. My husband found some punctures and we decided to sew them up ourselves so he went off to the hospital and collected what we needed. That part went okay.

But the next morning he needed to go to the vets and was put on anti-inflammatory/pain meds and a broad spectrum antibiotic. And then two days later he had to return to the vets because he'd developed an abscess in a couple of the wounds which needed lancing and draining. So he came home from that visit still woozy from the sedative, sporting a Cone of Shame. With instructions for no off-leash activities for 14 days.



All that to say that this has been a really stressful summer. Layers and layers of stress have pressurized me. So much so that my head feels like a tangle of scrap metal, and I lose my train of thought many many times a day. Yes I have upped my meds, and that does help. (I wouldn't wish an anxiety disorder/depression on ANYONE, friend of foe.) And I've blown off a bit of steam here and there. (being honest here)

But I'm looking forward to the end of it all. It will end, I know that -- see, therapy was good for something -- but I'd sure like to release this breath and take a new fresh one.

9.8.10

cringing for the third

Yesterday it was the microwave that ceased. Today it was the A/C that desisted. Making me grumpy and migrainey.

I've got plans to head up to the cottage tomorrow, but I'm cringing for the third! Please not the car, please not the car, please not the car...

(the microwave is a hothead. blows a fuse if you ask it to pop popcorn, so it just needs to cool down a bit and then it's fine again. the a/c had a loose wire. both easily fixed. phew)

4.8.10

and now blasphemy

Yesterday was Arcade Fire Day according to one of the radio stations I listen to. Because they released their third CD to much anticipation.

I have their first two CDs. I got them after I heard that "after the band opened three arena-size shows for U2 in Montreal and Ottawa, Bono and his mates pronounced the Arcade Fire their favorite new act." And "David Byrne wrote them a fan letter and joined them onstage", and "David Bowie (who’d been giving “Funeral” to his friends) asked them to cover “Queen Bitch” at one of their shows and made a surprise appearance in a white suit and straw hat". (that's all from The New York Times)

I thought "wow!" I gotta listen to this band, so I bought one, then the other CD. But I'm not gonna get this one. Because I don't get it. I don't get the appeal of the band, of this music. They were on CBC's Q last night, great interview. No divas in sight, articulate thoughtful individuals. Obviously talented. And! They've staunchly maintained their independance, releasing their music their way. So admirable, and so difficult!

But I don't hear it... and I really, really wish that I did. Because... well, I'm a bit of a music fanatic, a Grup if you will. Or, just plain Music Snob according to some I suppose. I think I'm a bit more openminded than those descriptions, but I do understand how they feel.

I can recall saving up to buy the latest 12" vinyl British import when I was a teen. Probably two paychecks worth. Now...? I hear those songs while I'm in the cereal aisle comparing boxes of oatmeal. THAT'S depressing. I read Spin magazine religiously for it's first year and a half, until they deigned to put Madonna on the cover AGAIN and I stopped cold turkey. I do have standards, after all. (and yes, I love Almost Famous)

And I have a half decently trained ear, having accomplished Grade 8 Royal Conservatory on the piano and taken jazz piano lessons a little while ago. Hell, I even listened to jazz in my 20s. Whereas friends and family hear 'noise' I hear artistry.

But I don't hear it in Arcade Fire. And I wish that I did cuz it sounds like it'd be really really good.

12.7.10

sacrilege

OK, I'll say it out loud: I'm just about done with you, Summer!

Granted, I'm not a summer person, I don't do well in the heat. I suffered a mild version of heat stroke in my teens and I lifeguarded for ten years so I've had my share of self-baking. Add heat-induced migraines into that now and you get a more rounded picture.

Summer started early here; mid-20C at Easter and it doesn't seem to have abated much since. And even though a heat wave is technically three days of plus 30C in a row or some such nonsense, I've had the a/c on here for over a week.

It seems sacrilegious to utter this given that us Cdns can have such long winters, but much like you Winter complainers... I'm DONE with summer!!

7.7.10

numb3rs

352' baseboard and quarter round
20 gallons of low VOC paint (so far...*)
5 colours of green
42C humidex
0 migraine pills left
304 books to donate
13 days till we move
52 dollars my parents paid the movers in 1963

*up to 22 now, but I think that'll be it,
23 now... surely that's it!